God…

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Over the years my relationship with God has changed… It’s actually evolved so much…

When I was a kid… Well He was the one the adults around me talked about… The one I kept hearing “you must have a relationship with Him“…

As I grew… I learned more and more about Him through people than for myself… At school, in church, at Bible Studies… It was my responsibility to have a relationship I knew… But everyone kept telling me about their relationship with Him… So I casually watched and listened… Never truly trying to cultivate a relationship with Him… Because I thought I knew… I thought I had all the answers…

Then when I turned 17 I began to hear the voice of God for the first time… And I realized how prideful I was in thinking I had so many answers… That I knew the personality of God, when all I truly knew was based on the experiences of others….

So I started cultivating my own relationship with him… Unfortunately I was still listening to those around me too much…

So not until I turned 21 did I truly begin to cultivate a relationship with Him… And for the next 4-5 years I would stay on this amazing journey… Learning about God in ways I never thought about before…

And I enjoyed that relationship so much… I learned for myself that I strongly disliked the church for what it had taught me about God… And that I strongly disliked the school I grew up in for the same reasons…

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Of course I’ve had to come full-circle with all of it… Realizing that I was gaining something of my own… Not something that was someone else’s… Not something that was borrowed and then passed out and expected to be believed by everyone… But a relationship that truly belonged to me…

In a way I can compare my relationship with God like the one I experienced in my former work environment…

Because I feel like God’s a celebrity… He’s printed about in the “tabloids” and everyone thinks they know Him and who He is and what He stands for and does… But those that truly know Him… The ones that talk to Him on a daily basis like I did with my boss… Well they know for a fact that God is who they experience on a moment by moment basis…

So now… Well I’m disconnected from the religion I was raised in… Meaning… I’m alone… And nothing is really familiar… So I’ve tried to connect myself to what I knew… To jump into a church… Something familiar…

And you know what I’ve learned… Well I’ve learned that my relationship with God is changing… It’s not always what I hear the preacher preach about… And honestly I still find myself annoyed with church as a whole…

But you know where I do find God?… Where I feel like our relationship is at its realist?… Where I am at my realist right now?…

IMG_8696While I’m on a walk… Or a drive… Of course I can always talk to Him… But my relationship with Him has changed because I’ve changed… I’ve changed through what I see… And what I see on a daily basis is so spectacular… The mountains… The hills… The trees… The sunsets… The 24/7 greenery…. The flowers blooming year round…

God stopped being a page  in a book… He stopping becoming what other people were telling me… He even stopped becoming what He told me He was and what I assumed He’d always be…

Instead He became something more when He showed me the simplicity of His creation… When He opened an opportunity for me to move to Cali and stand in awe of His creation… Well that’s when He got real…

And even more than that… He became so much more real when I became a nanny… A kind of mother to three kids… Because I learned so many life principles from them… And I stand in awe of the way love can overpower anger, hate and jealousy in a child and home… As long as I stay patient and willing…

So too me… Right now… Within my relationship with God… Well, I thought it was real before… But as I continue to live… Well I realize it’s so much more… And it’s truly alive now… More than ever before…

And if being in awe is what this relationship is right now… If it’s what’s keeping me full on a constant basis… Well then I’m ok with that… Because I honestly don’t want to read another scripture or hear another message… I’m ok with just where I am…

And the best part is… It’s mine… It’s my relationship… Based on where I am in life… Standing in constant awe…

e78d528d51725c1ed3b7a77129be442eAmanda

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